Toxic Love 😈

He’s the epitome of PERFECTION,

Well, he is, atleast to me.

That smile of mischief,

That always got me thinking what is really on his mind.

His ridiculous intelligence,

How smooth he is with deep conversations,

How surreal his views are on everything,

How frank he is with his sentences,

It wheels me in more to him,

I know how bad he is for me,

But his toxicity is what pulls me more to him,

He’s like a food that I’m allergic to but yet still I consume it,

He’s like a scented soap I can’t use but yet I bathe with it,

I was willing to suffer whatever hurt he comes with,

To how bad I crave for him,

I know there would only be pain because all I’ve ever done was to disappoint and give wrong impressions.

He was nothing but a mystery, pure danger ? but that’s what I love about him, 

The more he pushes me away, 

The more I want to know him, 

The more he hates me,

The more I love him,

That’s how I know what we have is,

TOXIC.

Lost Souls 🌙

Such a beautiful soul,

With a heart like a garden filled with roses, 

Rocking a croaked smile along with her hypnotising bright, brown eyes, 

It's very hard to tell what she's feeling inside .

I have no one else

Cracking under intense pressure,

Hiding under my mask,

Trying to find myself in this life of sin,

Holding back tears that makes your face so painful,

Saying things to people who value my friendship like how they value their lives,

Saying ferocious things to them.

I watch them, I watch them as they walk out of my life,

I count them as I push them away,

I don't know who to trust, 

I don't know who to believe,

I'm pulling this burden all alone,

I'm dying in this darkness,

Oh, save me Lord Jesus for I have no one else,

Save me Lord from this life of sin.

You Hate Me.

10:05 PM / 12.12.2015
10:xx AM / 12.17.2015

19 & Broken ✝✝

Her eyes, They were once so bright,

I remember when she was the happiest,

Now she's walking around with a plastic smile.

Her thoughts, They were once so clean, 

Now her mind is a mess because ..

She's trying to fight the demons that are roaming free.

Maybe a drink to numb the pain ?

Or a cut to split the vein ?

Maybe a cigarette to ease the mind ?

Or suicide to stop the fight ?

Oooh, How everybody, How everybody think she's so fine,

I just wish that you all could have a peep at my mind,

Sometimes, Sometimes I don't care, I have no fear to die,

And another time, I look above and ask God "why?"

I'm 19 and broken,

It has been five years and counting I'm contemplating suicide.

Dear Friend ...

[Plays Voice Note]

"Why can't you love yourself ?.. Even if you don't love yourself I'm still going to love you. I don't care about your weight, I don't care about your looks, I don't care about those things that you hate. I know you're insecure, bipolar, I know you self harm and I know you're suicidal. The thought of losing you to suicide is a risk I'm willing to take. I love you. Babe .. I love you. You have an amazing body, A beautiful smile, a great personality, a big heart and on top of that you're cute as fuck. So please, PLEASE, Please give me a chance to make you happy, trust me, you won't regret it. I'll be there for you whenever you want, I'll do anything for you if I can. please give me a chance, I love you.."

[she begun to cry]

Dear Friend,
             You love me? Even if I love you, it doesn't matter, I can't love you, We can never be together, we can't even be seen together, what's the sense of loving somebody when you're going to be miserable, but I can't tell you that ... so it's better if I just write it here and leave it and further more I don't even like myself. How can you love me? I mean, what is there to love? how can you think I'm beautiful when I'm not. I'm a insecure mess, I'm a lot to deal with. I get crazy a lot of time and make silly jokes and display childish behavior that I know you're not going to like.. I can see you falling in love with me over and over and over again and falling back out.

 I'm advising you to stop. Please give up on trying to let me be your girl or your future wife. I'm not willing to live the rest of my life in misery. I'm sorry ... but my friend .. it's time to say goodbye because by saying these words I'm not sure if you're going to stick around much longer. I doubt you're going to be able to even look at me. Please stop. Please don't wait on me.

            And .. And ... In-case you're wondering .. I did like you, I do love you, I will always love you, but you need to move on with your life.

Turn Me On, Then _____ Me. ❤

He surprisingly grabbed me,

Backing me up against the wall,

He laid some fine kisses on my neck as he slid his hands down my back cupping my ass,

Squeezing them softly.

I could feel the rush in my belly,

I could feel my ____ jumping,

I  bit my lips.

My heart starts to beat faster,

He kissed me slowly, going down to my breast,

but he stopped..

He started to lay hickeys on my chest.

He kissed from my breast up to my lips.

His hands were in my underwear.

Slipping his fingers slowly inside, I jumped,

He looked into my eyes, He smiled seductively,

Kissing me softly once more on the lips.

He sucked on my tongue,

Then I bit him on his bottom lip,

He made me curled,

I sunk my fingers in his flesh, abrading his back.

My hormones were bursting through my skin..

His hands were removed from my underwear,

I went infront of him and turn my back to his chest,

I grind down slowly on him grabbing his crotch,

He squeezed my breast passionately as I suck on his tongue.

I could feel the urge, A sudden rush.

I held onto his jeans with a tight grip still grinding on him.

He turned me around and smiled again.

He lifted me up, Pushed me against the wall,

My legs locked around his waist.

He begun to kiss me again as he carried me in his hands to the bedroom.

And that's when we ______ for hours,

After he had turned me on in the living room.